Friday, February 8, 2013

Seems like forever

Two years. It has been two whole years since I have seen my dad. It feels like forever since I have heard his laugh or been able to give him a hug. I miss him dearly and as this two year mark has been approaching, I have been thinking about him and reflecting on his life for some weeks now.

So much has changed in the last two years. In February of last year I was anxiously (and nervously) awaiting the birth of my daughter. Gracie arrived beautifuly and has added so much to our family. Needless to say, it has been sad that my dad hasn't been able to be a part of her first days, weeks, and months. A friend summed it up best when she affirmed me that in all of the happy moments, there will always be a bit of sadness. Sadness for what is not and for what is different. It's just the way it is.

Everyone says it, but the rate that kids grow and change is unreal. Noah was seven months old when my dad passed. He was practically still a blob. Now, he's running, playing with friends, and developing more and more personality by the second. I have these moments where I try and picture how my dad would play with him and it makes me a little bit sad. Sometimes, it's because he isn't here to share in these moments. Sometimes it's because, in all honesty, it's hard to picture at all. Things are different now. One thing is for sure; he would have been a great grandpa to my kids. Afterall, he was a great man.

I can be such a realist sometimes that it's annoying. Even when I want to be sad and feel sorry for myself my thoughts always come full circle to what is true. In the moments of sadness, I am reminded of the fact that these moments are temporary. Praise be to God for that! Jeff and I have a very close friend who would be close to my dad's age. There are so many similarities between them, it's funny. This friend of ours recently said something that was "so my dad", and as I thought about it later I was telling Jeff that I wish they could have gotten to know each other as I think they would have been good friends. He completely caught me off-gaurd when he said, "and I think they will be in Heaven". I had a slow drip of tears for about 30 minutes. It was sad because they can't be friends now, but oh so beautiful because someday they can be. Thankfully, I was once again reminded that the pain and struggles of this life are temporary. This life is temporary.

I am so grateful to know that God called my dad. That He has called me. That someday I get to introduce him to my kids, and to our friends. I will get to laugh with him again. Someday, there won't be any sadness associated with these sweet moments. I am thankful that someday, God's going to restore this life. Until that day, I will continue to press forward and find my hope and peace in Him.

9 comments:

  1. Beautifully said Chelsea. You are a blessing!

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  2. Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Chelsea. Love you!

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  3. beautifully written, chelsea. i didn't know that you lost your dad a couple of years ago. if we were in person, i'd be giving you a hug as we speak... i lost my mom about nine years ago and the journey into parenthood has been bittersweet. i feel her presence and love every day and i think that strengthens me. but honestly, it's still tough. as you said, it's just the way it is. yet i rejoice with you because God is faithful in our afflictions and that such trials do indeed yield endurance, character and hope. even through loss, i see his handiwork in my life and that is an encouragement. perhaps part of our hearts are already in heaven and somehow that makes our journey here on earth a little more bearable.

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    1. This is so true Karina. I love how you said that. I also had no idea you lost your mom. You are always encouraging! I will hug you next time I see you :)

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  4. Chelsea, you have a very sweet spirit and a gift of encouragement as well as for communicating. Thanks for sharing this truly moving story. I can't wait to spend more time with your dad in heaven and to tell him stories of the funny (and brilliant) things our grandkids have done.

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  5. Chelsea - your words are sweet, and I'm certain your Father's spirit will continue to resonate with your beautiful children. Life indeed changes with such a profound loss - but also, your own character has been molded, and your capacity for compassion magnified. Plus, loss has a way of ensuring we appreciate all of our blessings. I also connect with your calling as a stay-home mom. Some days are soooo long. But know that you will never regret devoting yourself to the care and keeping of God's precious treasures! And trust me - they grow up fast. I treasure the conversations with my big kids now - I love that they can make their own breakfast!! But there are times when I'd love to go back to the days of living my life around nap-times and play-dates, chatting with my friends as we watched them all play! Enjoy each moment and make sure to take time for you!!

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    1. Thanks for you kind words, Diane. It's so nice to relate and be affirmed in all of these things. I hope that my struggles and victories affirms others who are in similar places. I appreciate you encouragement and perspective. Thank you!

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  6. Terry is very proud of you and so am I! Love you

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  7. Chelsea, this is a wonderful tribute to your dad & your faith. I lost my dad 4 years ago & I too, miss his voice, hug, smile & support. I'm single & he was my rock, but I can imagine having a child & wishing Dad could play Grandpa. He adored my brothers' kids & lived each day grateful to share their lives. Thanks for sharing, it's brave & tough of you to talk about your grief.

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