Two years. It has been two whole years since I have seen my dad. It feels like forever since I have heard his laugh or been able to give him a hug. I miss him dearly and as this two year mark has been approaching, I have been thinking about him and reflecting on his life for some weeks now.
So much has changed in the last two years. In February of last year I was anxiously (and nervously) awaiting the birth of my daughter. Gracie arrived beautifuly and has added so much to our family. Needless to say, it has been sad that my dad hasn't been able to be a part of her first days, weeks, and months. A friend summed it up best when she affirmed me that in all of the happy moments, there will always be a bit of sadness. Sadness for what is not and for what is different. It's just the way it is.
Everyone says it, but the rate that kids grow and change is unreal. Noah was seven months old when my dad passed. He was practically still a blob. Now, he's running, playing with friends, and developing more and more personality by the second. I have these moments where I try and picture how my dad would play with him and it makes me a little bit sad. Sometimes, it's because he isn't here to share in these moments. Sometimes it's because, in all honesty, it's hard to picture at all. Things are different now. One thing is for sure; he would have been a great grandpa to my kids. Afterall, he was a great man.
I can be such a realist sometimes that it's annoying. Even when I want to be sad and feel sorry for myself my thoughts always come full circle to what is true. In the moments of sadness, I am reminded of the fact that these moments are temporary. Praise be to God for that! Jeff and I have a very close friend who would be close to my dad's age. There are so many similarities between them, it's funny. This friend of ours recently said something that was "so my dad", and as I thought about it later I was telling Jeff that I wish they could have gotten to know each other as I think they would have been good friends. He completely caught me off-gaurd when he said, "and I think they will be in Heaven". I had a slow drip of tears for about 30 minutes. It was sad because they can't be friends now, but oh so beautiful because someday they can be. Thankfully, I was once again reminded that the pain and struggles of this life are temporary. This life is temporary.
I am so grateful to know that God called my dad. That He has called me. That someday I get to introduce him to my kids, and to our friends. I will get to laugh with him again. Someday, there won't be any sadness associated with these sweet moments. I am thankful that someday, God's going to restore this life. Until that day, I will continue to press forward and find my hope and peace in Him.
